The good stuff. Life changing.
I found myself as a mentor in a drug rehabilitation house, also known as the half way house. I lived in the house with 4 – 7 guys struggling with life dominated issues. My past experience in substance abuse and passion to help people provided the opportunity for me to be there. It is important to note my life at that point. Many other elements that all intertwine.
I was moving out of my parents house, and I was dealing with some of the issues discussed in the last two post. The worst was being told I was just a follower, and I could not think for myself. I also had a great friend making atrocious accusations against me at the time. I also was dealing with a supervisor who tallied every little mistake (micromanager) and sent me monthly emails listing these mistakes. Since I was a hard worker and desired praise, this was not easy.
I lived in a house with 5-6 addicts. If you have ever worked with people with an addictive personality, one of the key characteristics is manipulation. Me being a young immature man dealing with my own issues, I became the primary target.
Let me explain my day. I would go to work and be updated on my monthly mistakes. I was accused from my recent friend for using him for food and being lost. I was working through my emotions towards my father. O yeah, and I was being challenged, manipulated, emotionally tested, by 5-6 addicts everyday when I went home.
Looking back, I am surprised I did not do something really stupid, like start using again, or hurt myself. I also was involved in counseling sessions. Though I presented myself as a counselor in training, I really was a young man who was immature, filled with boyish perversion, bitter, prideful, angry, depressed, confused, etc. It was exactly what I needed.
I am not sure how healthy men develop balanced confidence, but for me, it happened right here. I was constantly challenged by everyone around me. I was on a quest to find out the deepest level of my soul my intellect could grasp, and was determined to understand who I was, and why I did the things I did. It is important to understand my foundation was on Christ. I was finally accepted and had purpose in life. This is the first step in developing true confidence. If you have confidence in money, then your confidence will fade when the money is gone. If you have confidence in your looks, then you confidence will wither away with age. You see, the only way to build an appropriate and sustaining confidence is on a foundation that is accepting, and forever present.
In these circumstances, what I was forced to do on a daily, sometime hourly basis was stand for what was right, regardless of how uncomfortable or dangerous the outcomes. This took some time to figure out. Addicts are very manipulating. They start like they are your best friend, and help you do anything. After they feel you are connected, they start slowly pushing boundaries. Addicts also use their circumstances as reasoning for tolerance. They suck you in with what ever stories you need to feel sorry for them. When you feel sorry for an addict, you will be more tolerant.
Me being a young man who desired acceptance and affirmation was sucked in. Many relationships climaxed in the house until I realized what was happening. At this time, the organization I was in was going through a transition period, the were not very organized, and I was left to learn much of this on my own. Unfortunately, I had developed some close relationships with some of these guys. It is also important to state, this was not everyone in the house. I have made some awesome lifetime friends through this establishment, but the majority were exactly what I described.
For several months on a daily basis, I was faced with a crisis of conscious. I was forced to stand confident in the climax of confrontation. With spiritual, emotional, and relational manipulation in the mix, it was extremely difficult to stand confident in what was right.
Through these experiences, I learned extremely valuable lessons. First, I new my confidence was not founded on me, but God, and He promised to protect me. This allowed my confidence to strengthen when faced with EXTREMELY confrontational circumstances. I know people who absolutely hate confrontation. They will do whatever it takes to avoid. People loose sleep at night, stop eating, or over eat, just because they have to deal with confrontation. Imagine living in this environment for over a year. IT was like going to the school of confrontation and building confidence. As I am describing this, I think it is interesting how connected confidence, and the ability to face confrontation are. Never thought about it before.
I have read some great books about the call to manhood. If you have not noticed we have a society filled with boys and few men. A booked described the calling of a tribal boy who was clinched to his mothers leg glaring out the threshold of his house as his father and tribesmen called for him to take part in his first call to manhood. The boy new what happened on these adventures, some boys came back proud and glorious, but some did not come back. Those that did were covered in the blood of fearless victory. They left a boy and came back a man. The mother did not push or hold on to the boy, for it was only a choice the boy could make. It was his decision to step out of his mothers safety to start a journey of labor, risk of death, months in the cold or heat, accept responsibility, and provide for his tribe and future family. You see, if the boy could not complete this calling, he was not worthy of the hunt, he was not worthy of responsibility, he was not worthy to lead a family.
This one step, many never take. Many men are simply boys still living in the safety of their mothers house. I am led to believe one can not transition into manhood without pain, disappointment, risk, trials, fear, and hardship. But one of the most victorious steps a boy will ever take is the step towards being a man.
I remember asking my parents if they would let me live at home for another year if I went to college. They said no, I hated them for it then, but love them for it now. I remember walking up the stairs in the rehabilitation house when a man said, “you can turn around now.” I am so glad I did not turn around. I could have avoided my conditions at work, but I stood up for myself and forced a change or was prepared to find something new. When a addict was in my face screaming at me, “You ruined my family.” I am glad I stood in confidence informing him that his actions ruined his family, all I did was report his actions.
Life was extremely hard at that time, and I honestly do not know what keep me from running, but looking back, it was God’s plan, and he gave me the strength to do what was right, and learn how to become a man, and not only did He throw me in all this, He jumped with me.
There are many other things that contributed to my growth, but I wanted to go into details about the experiences above. Some other elements also heavily influenced me.
- Layman’s counseling classes
- My relationship with my father
- Understanding of my chemical makeup
- Continual growth in my Faith
- Observing those around me
- And of course my awesome Marriage
- Friends and Mentors
I will start talking about my father and our relationship, me looking at me. It is such an important part of my life, and every persons life, even women. The father is so vital to the family unit, and our society has destroyed that role. So I want to go into some great detail. Stay tuned.
